


pinwheels

by Coolio101



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Fix-It, Gen, Humor, No Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 13:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30039597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coolio101/pseuds/Coolio101
Summary: In which Itachi manages to fix the conflict between the Uchiha and Konoha by faking his own kidnapping and prioritizing self care
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 22
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

Shisui stared at his cousin for a long moment.

“Run that by me again,” he said. Itachi inclined his head forwards. 

“Certainly. You see, Shisui, I realized what we were doing wrong. We were trying to unite our family with Konoha without giving either side a reason to come together. And nothing unites two sides like a common enemy.” He paused. “The root of Konoha’s distrust towards our clan stems from the rumors that an Uchiha was behind the Kyuubi attack. We have no way of knowing if that rumor is true. However, it occurred to me that such a figure– a rogue Uchiha that defected from the village years ago and bears a grudge against both the clan and Konoha– would provide the perfect common enemy for the Uchiha and the rest of Konoha to rally against.” 

“Okay,” Shisui said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And where exactly does the fake kidnapping thing play into this?”

“Well, if a rogue Uchiha came out of nowhere claiming credit for the Kyuubi attack, there would no doubt be accusations that the rest of our clan was in cahoots with him. So it has to be made absolutely clear that he is not only an enemy of Konoha, he is an enemy of the _Uchiha_ as well.” The corner of Itachi’s lips quirked up a fraction of a millimeter. “The kidnapping of Uchiha Fugaku’s two sons should do that quite nicely, don’t you think?”

“ _Two_ sons? Why the hell is Sasuke involved?” Shisui demanded.

“Because no one would ever believe that I’d take Sasuke out of the village willingly,” Itachi said calmly. Which…was probably true, Shisui thought. Itachi’s overprotectiveness of his brother was _notorious_. 

Shisui sighed.

“This is going to end badly, I just know it,” he muttered.

“Worse than our family going to war against the rest of Konoha?” Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Fair point,” Shisui acknowledged. “So how are you planning on playing this?”

Itachi tilted his head to the side.

“The two of us will take an afternoon off to spend training Sasuke at our favorite training ground. Luckily, it’s one of the most secluded in the village so there should be no unintended witnesses. You’ll claim that a masked figure with a fully evolved Sharingan appeared, claiming to be…hmm. Claiming to be Uchiha Madara.”

“ _What?_ When did freaking Madara become part of the plan?!”

“Just now, when I came up with it. Anyway, the two of us put up a fight but were no match for him– which would make sense, considering it’s Uchiha Madara. Upon defeating us, he ranted about how weak and pathetic the current generation of Uchiha are, how even the Kyuubi attack wasn’t enough to push our clan to evolve. He then grabbed me and Sasuke, said something to you about how he hopes this will be a lesson to the Uchiha to get stronger, and disappeared.” 

“And you really think people will buy that?” Shisui asked dubiously. Itachi shrugged. 

“Your reputation is such that no one should question your telling the truth and your Sharingan is strong enough to convince people you were not put under a genjutsu. Hopefully that will be enough.” 

Shisui looked at his cousin for a moment.

“Where will you go?” He asked quietly. “The entire world will be searching for you, you know that.”

Itachi looked away.

“Someplace quiet, I think,” Itachi said, a distant look in his eyes. “Someplace no one would think to look for us. A little cottage in the middle of nowhere with a little garden, a few chickens, maybe a goat or two. That would be…nice.”

There was a familiar, bone-deep longing in Itachi’s voice that made Shisui’s chest ache. He cleared his throat.

“And how are you planning on disguising yourself?” He asked. 

Itachi blinked, the wistfulness in his eyes replaced by a spark of humor.

“Don’t worry about that, I have it all figured out. What do you think?” He asked, slipping on a Henge.

Shisui looked at him. He looked exactly the same except his hair was white. 

“You look like Jiraiya’s lovechild,” Shisui said flatly.

Itachi didn’t even blink.

“Good. Then no one will suspect my true identity,” he replied serenely.

Shisui snorted. 

“Brat. So, just to be clear– while _you_ get to go gallivanting around the countryside with Sasuke looking like the Toad Sannin’s illegitimate children, raising chickens and whatnot, _I_ have to stay behind and make sure this whole thing doesn’t blow up in our faces?”

Itachi smiled faintly.

“I trust you will play the part of the enraged, grieving, vengeance-driven family member appropriately, cousin.”

Man, Shisui had forgotten how much of an asshole Itachi could be at times. 

“That being said, I realize it’s a lot to ask of you, Shisui. If you’re uncomfortable with it, just say the word and the whole thing is off,” Itachi continued, expression sobering. “We’ll come up with something else, I promise.”

He’d forgotten how considerate Itachi could be also. 

“No, no, we’ll go ahead with it. It’s our best bet at the moment,” he said, reaching out to clasp Itachi’s shoulder. “Enjoy your break from Konoha, little cousin. You deserve it.”

It would be worth it, Shisui thought to himself. Even if there was a ninety-five percent chance that this would end up a disaster of epic proportions, it’d be worth it for the five-percent chance that it _didn't._ For the chance that everything could turn out okay.

Itachi went still, causing Shisui to pause.

“What’s wrong?” He asked cautiously. 

“I just realized. I’ll finally get to fulfill my promise to Sasuke to spend more time with him,” Itachi said, something like wonder in his voice. “He’ll…he’ll like that.” 

Shisui felt that ache in his chest again. When was the last time he’d heard Itachi sound like that? Sound _happy?_

He swallowed, tightening his grip on Itachi’s shoulder. 

Yeah, Shisui decided. _Definitely_ worth it. '

* * *

~some unspecified time later~

“So. It would appear there actually _is_ a rogue Uchiha claiming to be Uchiha Madara, who defected from the village years ago, holds a grudge against both the clan and Konoha, and was responsible for the Kyuubi attack.”

“Yes.”

“…”

“…”

“…damn, we’re good.” 


	2. Extra Scene

_“Give them back!”_ Mikoto snarled, Sharingan blazing wildly. Tobi threw his hands up in the air, unbelievably frustrated.

“For the last time, I don’t have them!” He shouted back. “Never did! Why the hell would I kidnap two brats anyway?!”

_Just typical,_ Obito thought bitterly to himself. He’d committed too many crimes to count, dozens of atrocities that would haunt him forever-- and so of course it was this, the _one thing_ he was innocent of, that he ended up getting blamed for. 

“Right,” Kakashi said sarcastically, perpetually late but always right on time to make Obito’s life worse. “So what, you’re saying that some other mask-wearing, Konoha-hating Uchiha kidnapped them? Or maybe Uchiha Itachi, one of the most devoted shinobi in the village, decided to defect out of the blue, taking his younger brother with him-- and while he was at it, managed to convince _Shisui_ , yet another intensely loyal shinobi of Konoha, to cover for him. Next you’ll be saying Itachi retired to become a farmer.”

~meanwhile at a tiny farmer’s market in a remote village, 300 miles away~

“These tomatoes look wonderful, Isamu-kun! They’ll go so well in tonight’s salad.”

“Thank you, you’re very kind. I have some lovely zucchini here too, if you’d care to take a look-- and as thanks for being a frequent customer, I’ll even throw in a 30% discount.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please consider leaving a comment below <3


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